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How to Make a Difference on Social Media

9/30/2020

2 Comments

 
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BY STEVE LONGLEY

If your social feed is like mine, it looks like people are losing their minds.  Christians too. 
 
As our nation becomes more polarized my feed has morphed from sweet pictures of children, pets and adventuresome vacations to something unrecognizable.  It’s caustic, it’s political, it’s angry and it’s even downright bizarre.
 
I do realize that most Christians would say the reason they post what they is not only to respond to the misinformation of others, but also to make a difference.  And I believe them. 
 
People really do want to make a difference.  And when someone posts something you find objectionable or patently untrue, you answer them intending to change their mind.  Yet what we want to happen is rarely what actually happens.  What we accomplish is more like adding one more steaming chunk to the pile of manure that is social discourse. 
 
Please know, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an opinion about key issues in our country and culture.  You’re bound to have an opinion.  I just want Christians to seriously evaluate what they are doing.  At some point we have to pause long enough to ask ourselves some questions,

“Why am I about to post this?  What’s my goal?”
 
 and

“Will this post actually accomplish my goal?”

If we all step back and look at our online conversations, we might notice something.  Especially in tone and tenor, they are often indistinguishable from anything else online.  So, I want to offer a truth we can’t pass up:

If we want to make a difference, then we must do things differently.

Today I’m sharing four ways Christians can make a difference online.  Then in my next post I’ll share a creative strategy that is bound to make a huge difference on your social media feed.  Here we go:

 
1.  Remember who you represent.

I wish Christians would recognize the direct connection unbelievers make between what individual Christians say and do and what they believe all of Christianity is.  Why wouldn’t they?  To an unbeliever the best way to know what Christianity is, is to watch how individual Christians behave and to listen to what individual Christians say.
 
In Colossians 4:5-6 the apostle Paul highlights the importance of this point:
 
5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
 
Every time you post something online:
 
  • Unchurched people are watching. 
 
  • Your unbelieving friends and family are watching.
 
  • And they think you represent the whole of Christianity, whether you think you do or not.

To an unbeliever the best way to know what Christianity is, is to watch how individual Christians behave and to listen to what individual Christians say.

2.  Choose to be different.

When it comes to conflict each of us carries in one hand a bucket of water and in the other a bucket of gasoline.  We get to choose which one we dump on the internet.  The problem is, many Christians aren’t providing an alternative to the outrage online, they are fueling it.
 
In light of the sheer amount of divisive hatred present online it really shouldn’t be difficult for Christians to promote a redemptive alternative. It only takes a little bit of light to illuminate the darkness.
 
  • You can refuse to respond to a disagreeable post. 
 
  • You can refuse to be nasty. 
 
  • You can refuse to use harsh tones and snarky comments.
 
Yet it is so tempting to answer harshness with harshness isn’t it?  When we do, we’re perpetuating division not changing it.
 
In Romans 12:21 Paul gives us this relevant directive:
 
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
 
As a rule, when I am particularly disturbed by a comment or a post, I wait 24 hours to think about it and pray about it.  You will never regret the wisdom of pausing to ask if you are about to add to the rank pile of divisiveness or if you are promoting what is good, redemptive and gracious.


It only takes a little bit of light to illuminate the darkness.

3.  Be particular about what you re-post.

We’re presented so much false or twisted news on a daily basis that it is difficult to tell what the real story is.  This fact alone should make us wary of the information that comes our way.  It should also make us especially hesitant to pass on information before checking it out.
 
Proverbs 13:5 is a great description of what happens when we hand off untruth:
 
The righteous hate what is false,
    but the wicked make themselves a stench
    and bring shame on themselves
.
 
Scripture says passing on what is false makes you stink and brings you shame.  Yet other scriptures say those who bring good and truthful news are beautiful.  The answer to the question, “Should I pass this on?” is another question, “How do you want to smell?”



4.  Be realistic about the limitations of social media.

If it is truly in your heart to make change happen there are probably more effective ways to see that happen than a post on social media.  Ask yourself the following questions:
 
  • How often has your mind been changed because of someone’s online rant? 
 
  • How many opposition talking points would it take to change your opinion on major political issues? 
 
  • How many well worded cynical jabs would it take to make you vote differently?
 
  • How many belittling names would someone have to call you before you changed your beliefs about, abortion, immigration, gun control, poverty or racial justice?
 
How did you answer those questions?  You were probably thinking, well - none of those scenarios has or would ever change my mind.  I assure you the answer is the same for the people your last post was aimed at.
 
If what you are posting isn’t making a difference, then what you are actually accomplishing is just blowing off steam.  I get it, we all reach a boiling point, but such a public forum probably isn’t the best place to vent your private frustrations. 
 
There you have it.  Four ways to be different online.  Keep your eyes out for Part 2 where I’ll talk about a strategy that is bound to make a difference on your social feed.

2 Comments

How to Say "NO" Without Guilt or Shame

9/28/2020

1 Comment

 
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BY STEVE LONGLEY

Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” is more than a frustrating quirk, it’s a disease.  The disease to please.  And it causes all kinds of problems from overbooked schedules to personal burnout.  When it happens, you do yourself and the person making the request a serious disservice.
 
But how does a person actually say the word “no” without guilt or shame?
 
Here are a few examples of how to do the right thing for you and for the person who asks you to do what you don’t want to do.


Make a rule: 
This is a way of pre-deciding the outcome of likely pressure situations.  For example, make it a personal policy not to lend money.  Then, when a friend in need asks for a significant loan you can kindly respond,
 
“I’m sorry but as a rule, I don’t lend money to friends or family.”
 
By responding this way you’ve removed the personal from the equation by letting them know, this is a general principle – I don’t do it for anyone. 

 


"Saying 'yes' when you want to say 'no' is more than a frustrating quirk, it’s a disease.  The disease to please."


When you feel pressured, the answer should be no. 
Pressure, whether through persistence, guilt or urgency means the other person is not showing you the respect you deserve.  Any time someone tries to apply pressure you need to see it as a “red flag” signal that you want no part in what they are asking you to do.
 
Example:  You are asked to coordinate the bake sale for your child’s class, again.  After a gentle but clear “no” the asker persists, “Come on, you know no one can pull it off like you, and besides if you don’t we’ll have a lot of disappointed kids on your hands.”
 
This is where you kindly respond,
 
"I know it’s disappointing, but I've decided not to volunteer this year, because I fear I'll end up feeling resentful. Is there any way to get some of the other parents to step up?"
 
What you’ve done is address the problem of one person doing all the work while sidestepping this person’s not so subtle manipulation.  You’ve done your share in the past so there’s no need for guilt.
 


Remove emotion from the equation. 
When you say no, there’s no need to be upset.  Just take a breath, compose yourself and remain calm.
 
You can…
 
Say no lovingly.  Say no gently.  Say no respectfully.  But say no.
 
Often the real damage in saying “no” comes from the way it is said.  Emotional makes things personal.  Most of the time if you can remove emotion from the equation the other person won’t perceive it as a personal affront.
 
Example:  It’s been a tough day.  Nothing has gone right.  On top of it all you’re feeling pressured because you’re planning for your daughter’s wedding.  At the last minute, your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend of the month to the $100 a plate reception.  This nearly sends you over the edge, but that’s when you take a breath and respond,
 
"We've already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can't squeeze in or afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for coffee sometime so I can meet him."
 
You didn’t blow up.  You didn’t say anything about how she always does thing like this.  You simply lifted the veil on some of the behind the scenes pressure you are facing.  Who knows, she might even get a clue about how inappropriate her request is.
 


"Emotional makes things personal."


Say “NO” clearly and firmly. 
Since it’s uncomfortable to say no, sometimes we kind of say “no”.  By doing this, or by offering a “maybe” you are creating room for the other person to hear “yes”.  And a little room is all some people need to expect that a yes in on the near horizon. Try not to say things like:


“I don’t know but I’ll think about it.”
Or
“Well, I’m kind of busy. Can you try to find someone else.”
Or
“I’m not very good at that kind of thing.”
 

Can you see the missing ingredient from these examples?  It’s the word “NO”.
 
Saying anything less than no leaves room for negotiation where your old people pleasing habits can take over or you’ll find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say something else.


Conclusion:
Of course, there are hundreds of other scenarios.  Other situations where people will try to get you to do things you don’t want to do, and then they’ll try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to do it.  You, however, can be stronger than that.  You can learn to say “NO” without guilt or shame.

1 Comment

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