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Origen: Man of Steel

3/23/2021

By Steve Longley

The second and third centuries had to be a delicate time for the early church. True, amazing things were happening. The church was growing at a mind-blowing pace, and on a global scale, but these early days were fraught with dangers from every side. They faced regular opposition from theological impostors, devastating plagues, and on-again-off-again persecution. Dig into the history and you’ll find yourself wondering how the whole thing didn’t come undone and collapse in a twisted pile.

But it didn’t collapse. It continued to grow in depth, in numbers and in strength.

It was a delicate time, but the early church was strengthened by Spirit led women and men who faced the unthinkable with wisdom and the unbearable with a cruciform shaped courage.

One of these early faith heroes was a man named Origen of Alexandria who lived somewhere between 185 – 253 AD. So successful was his resistance to the forces against him and the church, he was nick-named “Adamantius” which means man of steel.

Origen grew up in a Christian home where he learned the Bible from his father, Leonidas. At the age of 17 his father was beheaded for his faith at the hands of hostile Roman officials during the reign of Septimius Severus. Grief-stricken, he wanted to join his father as a martyr, but his mother prevented him from leaving the house by hiding all his clothes. Dying in public is one thing, but no self-respecting teen wants to be caught in public sans clothing.

He was trained as a chatechist (a teacher of new believers) in Alexandria, but quickly grew beyond his teachers. Sometime around 231 he was ordained as a presbyter and voraciously continued his studies eventually becoming the premier theologian and apologist of his day.

A confirmed ascetic, he was fanatically committed to self-discipline and an austere lifestyle that shunned anything hinting of moral weakness. He slept on the floor, ate no meat, drank no wine, fasted twice a week, and didn’t own shoes. It appears he even made himself a eunuch (yes, made himself a eunuch) to avoid even the hint of scandal since he was a teacher of women as well as men.

He founded the Christian School of Caesarea, he wrote some 2,000 treatises for the early church including De Principiis (On First Principles), the first systematic exposition of Christian theology ever written. He produced the first critical edition of the Hebrew Bible, which contained the original Hebrew text as well as five different Greek translations, all written in columns, side-by-side. He also wrote hundreds of homilies covering almost the entire Bible.

Origen’s zeal and prodigious writing wasn’t all good. His works were often criticized, and he faced strong opposition from within the church. His outlandish beliefs about the pre-existence of all souls, his reliance on the allegorical interpretation of scripture and his views on the Trinity caused theological issues the church would wrestle against for centuries. He has even had the title of heretic handed to him then taken away a time or two.

Alongside this furious output Origen also ministered to the needs of struggling believers. During the on-again-off-again persecution of Christians during his era, Origen boldly visited the imprisoned, attended their trials, while comforting the condemned. Work which led him to develop one of the finest defenses of Christianity produced in the early church.

In his Against Celsus, he answered the charge that Christians, by refusing military service, failed the test of good citizenship. He wrote, “We who by our prayers destroy all demons which stir up wars, violate oaths, and disturb the peace are of more help to the emperors than those who seem to be doing the fighting.”

Fine as his defense was, the authorities weren’t convinced and in AD 250 the Emperor Decius had Origen imprisoned and tortured. He was kept alive to give him the opportunity to renounce his faith, but he outlasted Decius who died first. Origen was set free, but never regained his health and died a few years later in 253 AD. A true man of steel.

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Saving For A Rainy Day - How to get out of debt

11/25/2020

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BY STEVE LONGLEY

Preparing for a rainy day is difficult, but not impossible. Here is a four-step strategy that is simple and doable:

1. Pray. Your heavenly Father is eager to help you get out of debt. Not only does He want to help He has the resources to do it. Pray that God will give you the wisdom and courage to take the necessary steps to get out of debt. God honors those efforts.

2. Stop incurring new debt. You can’t get out of debt if you keep going into debt. Stop the outflow. This might require that you stop using credit cards and consider an all-cash system. While it might seem old-fashioned or cumbersome, it’s a helpful way to break habits formed over the years. When it’s harder to spend money, you won’t spend as much. Whether you use a debit card or cash, the point is to keep from going further into debt.

3. Set up an emergency fund. This step prepares you for a rainy day – those unexpected expenses. Before you begin to work on a debt repayment plan, protect yourself by setting up an emergency fund. Financial experts often suggest building an emergency fund to support three months of expenses. But your first goal will be to save $1,500.00 for emergencies.

4. Begin working on a debt repayment plan. Developing a repayment plan is one of the most powerful things you can do. The first step in this process is to face reality...list all of your debts to see just how much you owe. To do this, simply begin listing your debts from the smallest to the largest amounts (don’t worry about interest rates at this time). Then plan to pay the minimum on all your debts except for the smallest. On this debt you will pay as much as you can to pay it off quickly. By attacking the smallest first, you begin to quickly eliminate creditors from the list. With each payoff, roll the amount you were paying into the next smallest debt (this is called a debt snowball because the amount available to pay on a single debt increases each time you pay one off). Continue this strategy until you are debt free!

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We need to talk about pastoral moral failure

11/11/2020

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BY STEVE LONGLEY

This past week I came across news about another Mega-Church pastor who has been forced to leave their congregation. Leadership and moral issues were mentioned. I don’t need to tell you who, the leader’s name isn’t needed, the details and circumstances are unnecessary. I assure you it reads much the same way similar stories in the past few years have read. Nothing is as unoriginal as sin. Same story second verse. It happened. It’s happened before, and it will happen again.

However, we need to remember this is more than a story. Real people are affected. When Christian leaders fall there is fall-out. My heart aches for this leader’s spouse and children. I weep for them. Then there are his parents, his friends, and the members and attenders of his church, not to mention how the unchurched and skeptics will respond. I’m sure they are all processing wounds that will hurt for years to come. Some of them, sadly, will never recover.

It’s heartbreaking.

"When Christian leaders fall there is fall-out."

Of course, on a personal level we know God forgives. God redeems. God heals. By means of the cross God rewrites the story of sin-shattered lives in beautifully unexpected ways and in that we can all take comfort. Still, we’re left with unanswered questions.

It won’t be long until someone I know reads the same article and my phone will light up with questions. They will be asking me how something like this could happen, and to a pastor. They will wonder what it means. They will be tempted to make their own easy conclusions. It is an all too familiar drill – big churches are fake, well known pastors are just in it for the celebrity. Christian leaders are all hypocrites.

These reactions are natural enough, yet I find them flat. Simplistic explanations aren’t enough to help us understand pastoral failure for what it is.

So, I thought I would offer some thoughts. I hope they are helpful.

1. Pastoral moral failure isn’t just a big church issue.

Church size bears no relationship at all to increased vulnerability when it comes to the moral failing of pastoral leadership. We hear about pastoral failure at larger churches disproportionately because larger churches generally attract headlines.

The reality is that for every pastor with name recognition who has fallen, there are dozens of lesser known pastors from smaller churches who have also exited the ministry. They too leave a path of broken people and tarnished reputations.

2. Moral failure isn’t just a pastoral problem, it’s a human problem.

Yes, pastors must be held to a high moral standard. The integrity of the church demands it. Pastors are given the charge to be an example to believers in speech and behavior, in love and fidelity, and purity (1Timothy 4:12). They are the people through whom we hear the words of the apostle Paul, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” However, that doesn’t mean pastors are any more or any less susceptible to moral failings than the rest of humanity.

If you’ve snuck past the election coverage to non-political news lately, then you are aware that I could have easily called this post Why Teachers Keep Having Affairs With Their Under-aged Students or Why Employees Continue to Steal Time and Money From Their Companies or Why Plumbers Take Unfair Advantage of their Customers. Humans are susceptible to temptation’s snare and sin’s stain.

Any time we hear of moral failure it should flash as a warning for all of us. Inasmuch as we would like to think we are above it, we’re not. The statement God makes to Cain before the murder of Able in Genesis 4:7 is a statement for all of us, “…sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

Which leads us to the next thought.

3. Pastors don’t enjoy a special moral safeguard as part of their calling.

Pastors do not have secret insight or an extra cloak of protection keeping them immune from moral failure. Like any believer their best protection against sin is to surrender themselves to God’s sanctifying grace, and to actively benefit from the means of grace through worship, discipleship, fellowship, prayer, scripture, and service. Submitting one’s self to God’s people and these opportunities are the best tools for growth in obedience.

The most important part of the above paragraph for anyone who wishes to walk in obedience to God is the humbling act of submitting ourselves to the people and the processes God provides for our growth as well as our protection. This is an area where pastors must be particularly mindful.

Pastors spend a great deal of their time in charge of everything related to the church. This puts them in a position where out of habit they can find it difficult to submit themselves to anyone or anything. It may be a factor of personality or a lack of wisdom concerning the limits of authority or just plain-old-pride. Whatever the reason it’s a reality. So…

Since churches of any size can experience pastoral moral failure, and given that moral failure is a common temptation to everyone, and because pastors don’t have an added or magical safeguard against temptation and sin – it would be wise for churches to create structural ways to graciously but firmly evaluate the moral and spiritual health of those we call to pastoral ministry.

By structural I mean formalized relationships that carefully, graciously, regularly monitor how the pastor is doing. Far from micromanagement this is the loving thing to do. Pastors need people who care about them enough to extend the grace of wise judgment and correction especially when it comes to out of balance work habits, self-centered behaviors, or poor relational boundaries.

This is a difficult if not uncomfortable issue to tackle. The issue no one wants to talk about, but we need to. Besides, there is one thing more uncomfortable than talking with your pastor about their moral well-being, and that is reading about it in the news after it is too late.

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How to Make a Difference on Social Media - Part 2

10/13/2020

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BY STEVE LONGLEY

In our last post I mentioned four changes that can make to make a difference on social media. You can read those HERE.

In this post I want to continue that conversation by mentioning a creative tactic you can use to make a difference on your social media feed. This is by no means a whole social media campaign to promote what is important to you, instead it is one tactic you can use to make a difference without engaging in the typical hateful debate common on social media.

Here’s why it will make a difference:

It will be different.
Remember to make a difference you will have to do something different. What I’m about to show you will look and feel very different than the current divisiveness common to social media.

It will capture hearts.
Arguments are about issues, stories are about real people. You are going to tell a story. When an argument influences someone at a heart level it is usually because they’ve become offended or angry. Your story will engage the heart at a deeper level.

It will be positive.
I know, there’s so much information on social media that you’re just itching to correct, but remember, that just adds to the pile of negative waste. Again, lets do something different.

Enough of the preliminaries, lets dive in. Here are three steps to help you make a difference on social media.

Step 1 – Get personally involved.

The greatest difference you will ever make won’t be what you post online. It will be what you actually do with your time, your talents and your treasure.

If you sense God has placed a cause on your heart find a way to get involved.

Find a reputable organization in your city that is already working to make a difference in the arena you care about. Contact them and offer to volunteer. Most organizations would love to have someone give an hour during a week helping them do things their busy staff has no time to do.

One of my most treasured experiences was volunteering as a caseworker for an organization called Meet the Need. Their simple mission is to help the working poor keep working and to help them survive the gap between income and expenses. I served about two hours a week connecting working families with desperately needed resources. And over the two years I volunteered I was part of a process that helped hundreds of families keep working. The experience changed how I view the issue of poverty in our smaller towns.

I know, it already sounds exhausting and we haven’t even talked about how this makes a difference on social media. We’re about to get to that, but first here’s what this kind of involvement does for you:

You’ll get first-hand experience.
Getting involved in the issue will give you a hands-on perspective that simply isn’t available from a distance. You’ll see the issue with greater clarity. You may even find out you were wrong about some of your initial assumptions.

You’ll get in touch with individuals.
The issues we discuss online are often no more than cold, detached opinions. However, once you meet a person who has been affected by the issue, it’s suddenly much more than a topic for discussion, it’s someone’s life. Individuals turn an issue into something intimate.

You’ll gain credibility.
What most of us lack when we post about an issue is the credibility of having skin in the game. When you volunteer, when you give something your direct involvement over time you are making an investment. With consistency you are on your way to becoming a person who has the credibility of personal experience.

Step 2 – take it public.

You’ll take it public by posting to your social media a picture and a simple statement about your involvement with the organization.

I’ll give two examples using Meet the Need as an illustration.

Example #1 - A picture of or selfie with the staff and volunteers.
Post it with a simple statement. Something like this:
“Today I got to work alongside these great servants who work tirelessly to connect working parents with the resources they need to care for their families.”

Example #2 – Get a picture with someone who has been helped by the organization.
Then you can say something like:
“What an inspiration meeting Anna today. As a working single mom, Meet the Need helped her through a rough patch last year with such love and grace that she now serves as a volunteer helping hundreds of other families in our area.”

An important note about posting pictures: Always make sure you have someone’s permission before you post their picture or name online.

Notice a couple of things about the above posts:

They are short. One to three short sentences is enough.
They are positive. You are focusing on what is being done to help.
They aren’t about you. This is about the issue God has placed on your heart, not about getting likes or compliments.
They tell a story. As you create similar posts over time you are beginning to craft a story about the plight of the working poor (or other issues) in your city. You are also showing the positive work people are doing to make a difference. It is no longer an issue, it’s about individuals facing difficulty and the good ways people are coming alongside them to the glory of God.
They are attractive. By this I mean that people will look at a post like this and at least pause long enough to think, “Wow, that’s great.” They may even find something tugging at their heart saying, “You could be doing something like that.” If so, hearts have been engaged.

Ok, you’re well on the way to making a real difference through social media, but there is one more step to take.

Step 3 – Get other people involved.

Because what you are doing is different, positive, heartwarming, and attractive, people will comment on your posts. Most of the comments will be positive, but believe it or not, some will be negative. Either way that’s OK, because you’re not going to engage the content of their posts personally, and because getting likes or comments isn’t your end goal. You will, however, seize the moment if they do.

Whether they comment positively or negatively your goal is to graciously connect them with the organization you’ve been volunteering with for more information. And you will encourage them to volunteer. When it comes to making a difference, a social media post that helps a few people engage with the issue by volunteering their time talent and treasure is worth way more than a snarky rant even if it generates hundreds of likes.

What does that look like? Let’s say a friend comments, “I absolutely love this! Thanks for making a difference.” You would respond something like this, “Thanks, I’ve been so blessed by the people at Meet the Need, and I just can’t keep it to myself. I would love for you to experience what God is doing through them. You should go with me next week?”

But what if someone posts a negative comment? Let’s say @grumpyguyontheporch posts something like, “Help, really? Looks like a hand-out more than a hand up.”

No worries. You won’t comment on the content of his remark, you simply reply. “I’m sure the director of Meet the Need would love to show you around, answer questions and share their policies with you. They’re wonderful people but be warned they’ll probably get you involved.”

There you have it. Even if grumpy guy posts something else negative, you leave it at that. Do not be pulled into further negative conversations. It won’t end well.

Of course, Meet the Need may not be on your radar, and you may not feel particularly connected to issues of poverty in smaller towns. But this can be adjusted to most of our pressing issues.

Racial harmony, Plight of single parents, Health and support of police, Poverty/Homelessness,
Foster care and adoption, Underserved communities, Youth poverty, Voter Registration, Public Education Reform, International missions.

The list could go on and on.

This is just one example of how we can make a difference by elevating the conversation on social media. With discipline and creativity, there are hundreds of ways social media can bring glory to God and do good in our city.

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Gone - I am the Righteousness of God

10/2/2020

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Many of you have asked about a phrase in the new song Gone, by Elevation worship.

The phrase in question is one we repeat several times, “I am the righteousness of God.” Which seems an odd to say, and rightfully so. After all God is the righteous one - as proven by His covenant faithfulness in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. So why is this OK to be singing, “I am the righteousness of God”?

One reason is that the exact phrase comes from a passage in 2 Corinthians 5:21 which reads:

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

What does that even mean?

First, I’ll go out on a limb to say what I think the lyricists are getting at. In keeping with the message of our sins being gone, I believe their instinct is to make this a statement about our virtue or a status that makes us righteous before God. This is a hot topic in theological circles and there are different camps for interpreting this statement.

One camp believes it means an actual state of moral rightness before God. That God by grace empowers us to be fully and actually obedient to him (imparted righteousness). Another camp believes it means a state of moral rightness which is only our reality because God by grace calls us righteous and treats us as though we are (imputed righteousness).

If I understand the theological leanings of Elevation worship, I believe they understand this phrase to mean that God has imputed His righteousness to us.

A New Brand of Wrench

If a discussion about imputed and imparted righteousness isn’t complex enough, I’ll throw a different brand of wrench in the works. Both of these meanings are an odd fit when you look at the whole of Paul’s statement in 2 Corinthians. It would be like talking with a friend for the purpose of healing some misunderstandings in your relationship and then at a key moment saying, “I like eggs.”

That kind of odd. Allow me to “splain.”

2 Corinthians In Context

When reading the whole letter of 2 Corinthians you realize Paul is trying to smooth out what’s turned into a rough relationship with the people of the church. This letter follows a “sorrowful visit”(2:1) and an earlier “painful letter” (2:4) possibly rebuking the church members for the way they treated him during the sorrowful visit and urging them toward reconciliation. He longs to go back to them once again to make things right, but for now he can’t, and so this letter will have to do.

He knows the people of the church at Corinth are so steamed at him they aren’t even sure they want him to visit again. If he does, his personal authority is so eroded in their eyes that they want him to bring new “letters of recommendation” (3:1) from other reputable apostles. 1 Corinthians tells us they’ve decided his personal presence and speaking style were now out of line with what they wanted in a leader in an up-market city like Corinth. And most painful of all, they are questioning whether he really is an apostle, someone truly sent by God. If Paul is an apostle, he certainly doesn’t fit the mold of one with the kind of blessed life the people of Corinth would expect.

If Paul is ever to see them again, he has to defend himself. He is not playing at being an apostle – he is an apostle. A suffering apostle. In fact, the only letters of recommendation he needs are the very people of Corinth themselves (3:2-3) and the scars of suffering for the gospel he bears on his body (4:7-12). Suffering is what happens when a person is sent to preach a gospel of reconciliation to an unreconciled and hostile world (4:7-12), but those scars, much like the scars of Jesus, have resulted in a most amazing kind of reconciliation.

Reconciliation is already taking place in Corinth because there, as in many places, Jews and Gentiles are becoming one new humanity by worshipping Jesus together as the family of God (4:14-15). This remarkable ethnic reconciliation is proof of Jesus’ resurrection and the power of the gospel. It is why Paul tries to persuade people to follow Jesus (5:11). It is also why Paul needs to come to them so he can be reconciled to them.

So, Paul will come to them, and he will come, not to judge people from a worldly point of view but from the view of Christ’s love and new creation (5:16). It is Jesus who wants reconciliation for the whole world, and He is the one who also wants reconciliation between the people of Corinth and Paul. So, Paul prays they will be open to full reconciliation through Christ. This is why he is coming, no, it is why he’s being sent, he’s an ambassador of reconciliation.

And like any good ambassador who comes as a proxy of the dignitary who sent them he will come representing Jesus in such a full and thorough way that his very presence will be the living embodiment of God’s covenant mission, for which he uses a shorthand phrase to describe, and that phrase is, “the righteousness of God.”

So, when Paul says, “we are the righteousness of God.” He is saying, I come to you on behalf of the sinless Christ as his ambassador and when God sends people like me to be with you it is as though Jesus himself is with you, as though Jesus himself is making the appeal of reconciliation to you.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I’ll have to say, it is a fun song, and I get what these gifted servants of God are trying to do. They’re trying to say in Christ my sins have been washed away (and they are) and that we are now righteous before God whether by impartation or imputation (and we are).

I also think what the passage in 2 Corinthians 5:21 is actually saying is immensely more powerful but in a different way. When God uses us to share the gospel which has the power to make all things new, Jesus himself is present making that appeal through you. In fact, he took on all our sin so that in that moment you could stand as God’s ambassador, his representative. Your presence in the life of another becomes the way Jesus himself is present to that person. In that moment you are the righteousness of God.

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How to Make a Difference on Social Media

9/30/2020

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BY STEVE LONGLEY

If your social feed is like mine, it looks like people are losing their minds. Christians too.

As our nation becomes more polarized my feed has morphed from sweet pictures of children, pets and adventuresome vacations to something unrecognizable. It’s caustic, it’s political, it’s angry and it’s even downright bizarre.

I do realize that most Christians would say the reason they post what they is not only to respond to the misinformation of others, but also to make a difference. And I believe them.

People really do want to make a difference. And when someone posts something you find objectionable or patently untrue, you answer them intending to change their mind. Yet what we want to happen is rarely what actually happens. What we accomplish is more like adding one more steaming chunk to the pile of manure that is social discourse.

Please know, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an opinion about key issues in our country and culture. You’re bound to have an opinion. I just want Christians to seriously evaluate what they are doing. At some point we have to pause long enough to ask ourselves some questions,

“Why am I about to post this? What’s my goal?”

and

“Will this post actually accomplish my goal?”

If we all step back and look at our online conversations, we might notice something. Especially in tone and tenor, they are often indistinguishable from anything else online. So, I want to offer a truth we can’t pass up:

If we want to make a difference, then we must do things differently.

Today I’m sharing four ways Christians can make a difference online. Then in my next post I’ll share a creative strategy that is bound to make a huge difference on your social media feed. Here we go:

1. Remember who you represent.

I wish Christians would recognize the direct connection unbelievers make between what individual Christians say and do and what they believe all of Christianity is. Why wouldn’t they? To an unbeliever the best way to know what Christianity is, is to watch how individual Christians behave and to listen to what individual Christians say.

In Colossians 4:5-6 the apostle Paul highlights the importance of this point:

5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

Every time you post something online:

Unchurched people are watching.

Your unbelieving friends and family are watching.

And they think you represent the whole of Christianity, whether you think you do or not.

To an unbeliever the best way to know what Christianity is, is to watch how individual Christians behave and to listen to what individual Christians say.

2. Choose to be different.

When it comes to conflict each of us carries in one hand a bucket of water and in the other a bucket of gasoline. We get to choose which one we dump on the internet. The problem is, many Christians aren’t providing an alternative to the outrage online, they are fueling it.

In light of the sheer amount of divisive hatred present online it really shouldn’t be difficult for Christians to promote a redemptive alternative. It only takes a little bit of light to illuminate the darkness.

You can refuse to respond to a disagreeable post.

You can refuse to be nasty.

You can refuse to use harsh tones and snarky comments.

Yet it is so tempting to answer harshness with harshness isn’t it? When we do, we’re perpetuating division not changing it.

In Romans 12:21 Paul gives us this relevant directive:

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

As a rule, when I am particularly disturbed by a comment or a post, I wait 24 hours to think about it and pray about it. You will never regret the wisdom of pausing to ask if you are about to add to the rank pile of divisiveness or if you are promoting what is good, redemptive and gracious.

It only takes a little bit of light to illuminate the darkness.

3. Be particular about what you re-post.

We’re presented so much false or twisted news on a daily basis that it is difficult to tell what the real story is. This fact alone should make us wary of the information that comes our way. It should also make us especially hesitant to pass on information before checking it out.

Proverbs 13:5 is a great description of what happens when we hand off untruth:

The righteous hate what is false,
but the wicked make themselves a stench
and bring shame on themselves.

Scripture says passing on what is false makes you stink and brings you shame. Yet other scriptures say those who bring good and truthful news are beautiful. The answer to the question, “Should I pass this on?” is another question, “How do you want to smell?”

4. Be realistic about the limitations of social media.

If it is truly in your heart to make change happen there are probably more effective ways to see that happen than a post on social media. Ask yourself the following questions:

How often has your mind been changed because of someone’s online rant?

How many opposition talking points would it take to change your opinion on major political issues?

How many well worded cynical jabs would it take to make you vote differently?

How many belittling names would someone have to call you before you changed your beliefs about, abortion, immigration, gun control, poverty or racial justice?

How did you answer those questions? You were probably thinking, well - none of those scenarios has or would ever change my mind. I assure you the answer is the same for the people your last post was aimed at.

If what you are posting isn’t making a difference, then what you are actually accomplishing is just blowing off steam. I get it, we all reach a boiling point, but such a public forum probably isn’t the best place to vent your private frustrations.

There you have it. Four ways to be different online. Keep your eyes out for Part 2 where I’ll talk about a strategy that is bound to make a difference on your social feed.

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How to Say "NO" Without Guilt or Shame

9/28/2020

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BY STEVE LONGLEY

Saying “yes” when you want to say “no” is more than a frustrating quirk, it’s a disease. The disease to please. And it causes all kinds of problems from overbooked schedules to personal burnout. When it happens, you do yourself and the person making the request a serious disservice.

But how does a person actually say the word “no” without guilt or shame?

Here are a few examples of how to do the right thing for you and for the person who asks you to do what you don’t want to do.

Make a rule:
This is a way of pre-deciding the outcome of likely pressure situations. For example, make it a personal policy not to lend money. Then, when a friend in need asks for a significant loan you can kindly respond,

“I’m sorry but as a rule, I don’t lend money to friends or family.”

By responding this way you’ve removed the personal from the equation by letting them know, this is a general principle – I don’t do it for anyone.

"Saying 'yes' when you want to say 'no' is more than a frustrating quirk, it’s a disease. The disease to please."

When you feel pressured, the answer should be no.
Pressure, whether through persistence, guilt or urgency means the other person is not showing you the respect you deserve. Any time someone tries to apply pressure you need to see it as a “red flag” signal that you want no part in what they are asking you to do.

Example: You are asked to coordinate the bake sale for your child’s class, again. After a gentle but clear “no” the asker persists, “Come on, you know no one can pull it off like you, and besides if you don’t we’ll have a lot of disappointed kids on your hands.”

This is where you kindly respond,

"I know it’s disappointing, but I've decided not to volunteer this year, because I fear I'll end up feeling resentful. Is there any way to get some of the other parents to step up?"

What you’ve done is address the problem of one person doing all the work while sidestepping this person’s not so subtle manipulation. You’ve done your share in the past so there’s no need for guilt.

Remove emotion from the equation.
When you say no, there’s no need to be upset. Just take a breath, compose yourself and remain calm.

You can…

Say no lovingly. Say no gently. Say no respectfully. But say no.

Often the real damage in saying “no” comes from the way it is said. Emotional makes things personal. Most of the time if you can remove emotion from the equation the other person won’t perceive it as a personal affront.

Example: It’s been a tough day. Nothing has gone right. On top of it all you’re feeling pressured because you’re planning for your daughter’s wedding. At the last minute, your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend of the month to the $100 a plate reception. This nearly sends you over the edge, but that’s when you take a breath and respond,

"We've already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can't squeeze in or afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for coffee sometime so I can meet him."

You didn’t blow up. You didn’t say anything about how she always does thing like this. You simply lifted the veil on some of the behind the scenes pressure you are facing. Who knows, she might even get a clue about how inappropriate her request is.

"Emotional makes things personal."

Say “NO” clearly and firmly.
Since it’s uncomfortable to say no, sometimes we kind of say “no”. By doing this, or by offering a “maybe” you are creating room for the other person to hear “yes”. And a little room is all some people need to expect that a yes in on the near horizon. Try not to say things like:

“I don’t know but I’ll think about it.”
Or
“Well, I’m kind of busy. Can you try to find someone else.”
Or
“I’m not very good at that kind of thing.”

Can you see the missing ingredient from these examples? It’s the word “NO”.

Saying anything less than no leaves room for negotiation where your old people pleasing habits can take over or you’ll find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say something else.

Conclusion:
Of course, there are hundreds of other scenarios. Other situations where people will try to get you to do things you don’t want to do, and then they’ll try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to do it. You, however, can be stronger than that. You can learn to say “NO” without guilt or shame.

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A Great Way to Share Needs

3/31/2020

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Do you know anyone in our community who is struggling to secure basic needs, anyone who has lost their job, or who is in danger of losing their house or apartment? With many need meeting organizations having to close their doors we want to be in the practice of sharing, meeting and tracking needs in our community. The link below is a tremendous way to share the needs you or people you know may have. We can’t promise that we can meet every need, but we can pool resources to help.

Just fill out the form below, include your information in case we need further details (your information will be kept confidential), and then hit submit. Easy as that.

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Parenting During a Pandemic

3/31/2020

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Crazy times have hit the world like never before. Did you ever think you’d be reading about parenting during a pandemic? Change is hard, and finding our way into the “new normal” can be challenging. These are unprecedented times — schedules are suddenly wide open and home, school, and work are jumbled up like never before. What an opportunity to learn, play, and grow with your children! They’re watching you and need you now more than ever. This topsy-turvy time can be a gift. Make the most of it by connecting with your kids in new, meaningful ways.

It is our belief that during adversity we have an unparalleled opportunity to gain new and life-giving perspective; perspective that brings God’s grace and truth to life in any circumstance. Here are some ways you can support your kids during this time:

1. Help them find their security in the Lord, not earthly things

Over the next few weeks (and perhaps months) we’re going to be pressed like never before to understand that reality is ultimately not about earthly circumstances. It is about eternal perspective and promises. Though hard to put in practice, we encourage you to join us in the discipline of reminding ourselves about this attitude, even choosing to find joy.

The world will certainly throw challenges at your kids long after they are out from under your care. What you model during a crisis may be one of your most potent teaching opportunities to prepare your kids for a life of faith that overcomes trials.

Easier said than done, but here are a few ideas:

Memorize Bible verses as a family
Play worship music during the day
Spend time in the Word daily
Get outside and marvel at God's creation
Recite scripture when you feel anxious

2. Spend as much time connecting as a family as possible.

The current situation has given us unique opportunities to be together – to make memories so that years from now your kids will remember how resilient their family is and some of the interesting things they did. Here are a few practical ideas you can utilize now for parenting during a pandemic (or anytime!):

Make sure to regularly build in times to laugh.
Consider more frequent board games and popcorn.
Daily outdoor adventures in open spaces.
If you are doing school at home with your kids, remember that their connection and felt safety is more important than academic achievement.
Include your kids in making plans to do something fun the next day.
If sensible, make the fun be about blessing and serving others. This gives kids something to look forward to – which helps mitigate pervasive stress. It also gives you practical opportunities to share Jesus’ love with neighbors.

One of the most powerful “connectors” is to empathize with kids. If they are struggling, or unhappy, you can validate it with empathy before working to coach some solutions. Perhaps like this: “I know it’s so hard to miss your games! I can understand why you’re so disappointed. I remember when…(insert a memory of a challenging time in your life here).”
3. Help them understand the situation in terms they can understand and help them find ways to be a blessing to others
The less kids understand about change, the more they tend to be anxious. And the more they forget (along with us) that God is always up to something…and it’s always something good. As you embrace such truth, help your kids learn right alongside you about God’s presence in adversity.
It's good to talk with your kids about what's going on and how God can bring good out of a dark situation. Perhaps you can say, “It’s hard to understand, but God is with us in this! This is a new kind of germ that the doctors don’t understand yet. And they’re worried that it seems worse than other germs. So they are making rules to help keep people safe. It’s hard isn’t it? But we’ll make the best of it. God is with us!”
Then ask them to repeat this in their own words. Try saying some short prayers together. Keep it simple and light. Work so it begins to feel normal and natural for the kids to talk about God and pray about it.
Knowing that God uses all things for good, wonder together as a family how you could be a blessing to others.

Consider painting pictures or sending cards to an older person who may be experiencing loneliness due to social isolation.
Work with your kids to make a daily schedule that includes work, learning, play, or rest. Knowing what’s coming will reduce everyone’s stress.
Get as much big muscle movement in during the day as possible.

4. Give your kids grace. This situation is hard for them, too.

In seasons of stress we’re all more inclined to sin. Parenting during a pandemic is no exception! At the end of the day, the corrective solution to all of the problems we face is to confess our sin and lean into God’s mercy and grace. Be transparent with your kids about your own struggle with this. Grace is needed for all.
In some respects, it’s when life is hard that we can best understand our need for a Savior. So when kids seem more unruly than usual, find your way into God’s grace. Perhaps like this: “I know it’s hard when life is so different. And I’m sorry I’ve been more stressed and even sinned against you by my impatience. Will you forgive me?” We will have opportunities to speak about the problem of sin and selfishness, learning to be content in difficult circumstances, and the great grace of Jesus for all.

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Get the Most out of Online Worship

3/31/2020

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Most of us are probably so familiar with doing things online that worship online isn’t such a big shift. For others it might feel as strange as ordering dinner from a menu in an unfamiliar language. So here are some tips to help you get the most out of online worship.

Gather the whole family:
No one needs to dress up. You can all gather in your PJs, grab some coffee or a favorite snack and sit on the comfy couch, but make sure you make it a family event. You can even pause the worship to talk about questions.

Prepare your heart
Before you start worship pray that the Holy Spirit would make you aware of God’s presence. Yes, right there in your home, God is with you!

Sing along
Come on, you do it in your car, right? Just belt it out right there in your living room, or wherever you’re watching. The more you sing out loud the more natural it will feel.

Take notes
The message notes are provided right along with the message. They are downloadable and printable. Or go old school with a spiral notebook and a pen. I frequently use old sermon notes to study and pray with more depth.

Respond
Post a response on the website or on our Facebook page. Here’s the link.
Your post can be a statement of testimony, a praise, a note about how you responded to what God is showing you through this service, even a question the content brings up for you.

Talk About It
We’ve also included a Talk Sheet for further study and discussion. You can use the talk sheet with your spouse and family, or call up a friend and discuss it with them. Some of our community groups are even talking about discussing the talk sheets via a Zoom conference meeting.

We’re all holding out hope that life can return to normal soon, but till then – worship in your PJs.

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